I can't call myself a writer anymore. Writing terrifies me. It may end up saving us, if I can get back to being a writer. Just write a couple of paragraphs a day. What do I have to say that's worth putting down ? Think up exercises to get the juices flowing again. Nothing, nada. Start over again on Tuesday... The Monday start was a dud.

echoes of '68

As posted to twitter in twitter bits August 24, 2017, 00:30 am.


All that was fought  and died for in '68 being flushed.

Dr. King and Bobby shot. Chicago Dems beat hell out of protesters. Rosie and Bobby
   Darin set shiva, there was such hope for equality. Then came the Sharpton,  
    J.Jackson, those who made their bread on the hopes of the dead.
Bobby died, our hope cried.  Those who used the pure hope to fill their purses,
    add to their fame; where are they now ?
They take great joy hitching their lies to dreams and hopes of Dr. King and Bobby.

The hope of '68 and good men is now in the midden stream.
   

Where is the outrage ???


We've been so dumbed down, life in 15 sec. bits; paint your sign with a #, the outrage    of the moment, you go and scream.
Put no soul in your sign of meems: hide behind a mask 'cause you don't mean
    anything....'cept pick up the Soros check, ka-ching!!!


Any idea why this is happening?
 

    look around. Question:  where is our American dream ??
    de-ostrich, think for yourself;
                    think, think !!!

This day, February 3, 2016.

And then;

It gets better for a bit, then hits the pits again.  Keep making promises to myself: bed early, rise early. Pray, move, take meds., get outside for walkies.  Do well for a bit .

And then;

Something happens, no money to pay the bills, no money to pay the taxes, no nothing.   Husband who hates being here, hates being away from his chums, hates this house that requires regular upkeep, hates cleaning animal water bowls and food bowls,  hates everything north of the Red.

And then:

Husband hates me for making him move here, hates me for being ill, hates, hates, HATES !


And then:

I just wish he would go.

I've just finished reading Still Alice, by Lisa Genova.   At least I don't have kids who have to live through this, too.   I am alone, except for Jax.   I rewatched Flowers for Algernon some time back.
I'm scared shitless.   It's a different scared than that I'd have with too much scotch on board or being REALLY stoned.   Always had a kinda switch I could throw and get my shit together.     The switch is in bad shape if not completely broke.  

Alice is a tenured Prof. in Psych. at Harvard.  She has 25 years of academia behind her and then she begins to forget stuff.  Just little stuff to begin with.  Her mindlessness grows so she goes for medical opinion.   She's shy of 50 yrs. old and diagnosed with early onset Alzheimers.

 Book review finishes here.

My life has been well blessed.   I was not born a Kurd.   I was born in the best country in the world.  I had free education through 12th grade;  often bored shitless with the spoon feeding and then, there was my deafness.  I always wanted to know more about just about everything.   I've been very vain about my brain.   That was once upon a time.  I know now my grey matter is eating itself alive.

Decisions that used to take seconds now get fussed over for hours or days.   I don't drive anymore and haven't for 10 yrs. or so.  I'm not going to take anyone else out 'cause I f''d up.

I wake in some mornings and have no idea what day of the week it is.  I still remember I'm in Tamaha and not in Glenelg.   I also know I think and say 'I' waaaay too much.

There's no time table for those who have zombie brains.   I could be able to know and function in my head for 2 months or 20 yrs. more.  The science doesn't know and for damn straight, I have absolutely no idea when and how my noggin is gonna last.   I think, if only I had been more vain about my body and my legs which were and still are absolutely gorgeous, maybe those would have been taken instead of my mind.

Always have enjoyed getting blitzed & imbibing booze.   Right now, I'm thinking how much money would be in the bank if I'da had the patience to wait for this involuntary brain melt.

If any of you buds have loved ones with EOAD or just plain old Alzheimers, read Still Alice, if you can.  It's rough.   There's also a link that might be helpful :  dasainternational.org..

GB, k.

Resolutions are made to be broken and I surely have done that.   Some of you buds may know that I am experiencing full tilt boogie brain drain. Sometimes my brain is home and sometimes it just goes walkabout all by itself.   I don't know when I'm going to have my thanking thang working; there's no advance warning.  

I've always been proud of my noggin.  My IQ used to be pretty high, at least according to the achievement tests that we spent days taking in junior and senior high.   Y'all remember the #2's and hours of boredom ?  

Stubborn old cow here, I should have been dead 10 yrs. ago from a blood cancer.  My body was producing waaaaay too many red cells.    The prognosis was 7 yrs..   The kicker is that that particular disease was mainly found in elderly Jewish men.  Far as I know, under my hood is a gal's bits. Jaxi gave me shit for yonks about being one of the lost tribes of Israel .   I was in my late 40's when my fab. Doc noticed the blood work was off and saved my life.  

I've had seizures, Jax scaring seizures.  No warning, flat on hard floor & making snow angels on the floor.

I've had 'normal' blood tests for about 5 yrs. or so !!!   Yippee !!   Thank God.   Wish He'd get on & tell me what I'm supposed to be doing....Wish I could get better with being still and knowing He is God.   There's a thing that runs on my paternal side w/ the gals, we seem to go like shit off a shovel till we can't go any more.   Then we stop.

There have been times in my life that I was stunning to look at, stunning  in photographs, stunning in real life. I never saw that and  hated being looked at like a piece of meat.  I'm growing old now and have no regrets that heads no longer turn,   I'm relieved;   always thought my slip was showing or mascara running.  

So, now I'm gonna sue the NFL for inadequate info for this ditzy broad who wanted SOOOO bad to BE Joe Willie Namath !  ;)   No, I really did want to be Joe Willie !

This is going to be the crazeydeafgal trying to leave some sort of public info how a thinkin noggin frazzles and trying to keep my shit together as long as I can.   It's gonna be ok,, this stubborn Okie broad has stubborn built in.

The real kicker of this hockey that's decided to move in with me is that it gives me a great excuse to read, lots.   I've read phone books in hotel rooms when I'd run out of my travelling library.   I have married a lovely man who loves to read as much as me.
.
Kid pooped.   Please smile at someone today

Still working out the blog thing.  Why on earth would anyone be interested in my drivel ?   Howsomeever,  I'm going to bite the bullet and begin in earnest after Labor Day.  What used to be the beginning of a new school year for us boomers will always be the time of new hope and resolution for me.
I hope you will come along for the ride, sometimes rough, sometimes smooth, sometimes scary and sometimes flat out boring.  Such is life.  (Someone oughtta slap me for that cliché, geez!).

I can hear a boat or two out there. Even the idiots who have no business at the controls of a boat aren't out there. A Triple Crown Winner yesterday. The Cambridges and warm weather giving the UK the best feel good they've had in a very long time !

Amazing evening on the Kerr Navigation system..  It looks mirror smooth out there even though there are mega gallons being released upstream.